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A NASCAR BLOG BY Steve Waid
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Big news: NASCAR to act against Waltrip
Apr
1
NASCAR has announced that an episode of “intellectual espionage” occurred months ago and that it would take immediate action to punish it.
The sanctioning body declared that the deliberate theft of a sway bar by Michael Waltrip Racing from Roush Fenway Racing was something it would not tolerate.
“Yes, we do know that we want everything to be out in the open so what any team has is indeed available to all the others,” said NASCAR President Mike Helton via cell phone from a tractor on his farm as he drank a Dr Pepper. “But this is something different. I mean, we can’t have one team stealing from another. I don’t care if it’s lug nuts – although why a team would steal lug nuts from another - gosh, that makes no sense.
“But let’s be real here. A sway bar is very important. At least I think it is. Not sure I’ve ever seen one. It may look like nothing more than
a piece of metal, but golly gee whiz, it’s a very big deal – or so they tell me.
“If Jack Roush spent a lot of money developing a new one and someone stole it, then that has to be something with which we have to
deal. And it doesn’t matter if someone like a writer from NASCAR Scene could pick one up out of the garage area and take it home as, oh say, a giant paperweight, by golly, we have to act.”
Helton said that NASCAR had not yet come up with what sanctions it might enact.
“We appreciate that Jack Roush has given up any legal action,” Helton said. “Let’s face it, we all know he didn’t have a chance with Judge Judy.
“But we are prepared to act against MWR. Most likely, we’re going to be as lenient as we can because this is an unusual occurrence. Maybe instead of punishing MWR for ‘intellectual espionage,’ we might declare this to be ‘stupid espionage’ or even ‘who gives a damn?’ And maybe tell ol’ Michael he has to finally comb his hair and do a few TV spots for the NASCAR Foundation.”
At last report, Jeff Gordon was still laughing.
And April Fool to you all. Especially you, Mike and Jack.
I assume both of you are laughing, right?
The sanctioning body declared that the deliberate theft of a sway bar by Michael Waltrip Racing from Roush Fenway Racing was something it would not tolerate.
“Yes, we do know that we want everything to be out in the open so what any team has is indeed available to all the others,” said NASCAR President Mike Helton via cell phone from a tractor on his farm as he drank a Dr Pepper. “But this is something different. I mean, we can’t have one team stealing from another. I don’t care if it’s lug nuts – although why a team would steal lug nuts from another - gosh, that makes no sense.
“But let’s be real here. A sway bar is very important. At least I think it is. Not sure I’ve ever seen one. It may look like nothing more than
a piece of metal, but golly gee whiz, it’s a very big deal – or so they tell me.
“If Jack Roush spent a lot of money developing a new one and someone stole it, then that has to be something with which we have to
deal. And it doesn’t matter if someone like a writer from NASCAR Scene could pick one up out of the garage area and take it home as, oh say, a giant paperweight, by golly, we have to act.”
Helton said that NASCAR had not yet come up with what sanctions it might enact.
“We appreciate that Jack Roush has given up any legal action,” Helton said. “Let’s face it, we all know he didn’t have a chance with Judge Judy.
“But we are prepared to act against MWR. Most likely, we’re going to be as lenient as we can because this is an unusual occurrence. Maybe instead of punishing MWR for ‘intellectual espionage,’ we might declare this to be ‘stupid espionage’ or even ‘who gives a damn?’ And maybe tell ol’ Michael he has to finally comb his hair and do a few TV spots for the NASCAR Foundation.”
At last report, Jeff Gordon was still laughing.
And April Fool to you all. Especially you, Mike and Jack.
I assume both of you are laughing, right?
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Comments
4 responses to "Big news: NASCAR to act against Waltrip"
Robin Drummond said:
Apr 3, 2008 at 1:44 PMOh dear......the paybacks on this one are gonna be huge! Please let us know who "gets" you back the fastest and best. We're all holding our breath!
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» Confirm Abuse ReportWorm Dirt said:
Apr 4, 2008 at 8:19 PMLame...
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» Confirm Abuse ReportJeff said:
Apr 4, 2008 at 11:53 PMI don't think anyone is laughing. Not funny at all.
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» Confirm Abuse ReportAnonymous said:
Apr 5, 2008 at 5:22 AMOnce a CHEATER (Daytona 07') ... Always a CHEATER.
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