Confessions of a NASCAR fan: Ask and you shall receive – answers to 2009’s biggest questions

By Carolyn Brewster

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Fans want to know: What do drivers like Michael Waltrip wear under their firesuits?

John Harrelson
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COMMENTARY

And just like that, we’re done: The 2009 NASCAR season is over and Jimmie Johnson is king yet again. Although the competition has concluded, true fans never really put NASCAR on the shelf. Whether it is between races or between seasons, we’re still tuned in.

How do fans spend their time between races? Apparently, many use the Internet to seek answers to some of NASCAR’s most pressing questions. And thus, I bring you the Top 10 NASCAR Questions of the Year, courtesy of NASCAR’s official search engine, Ask.com. The answers are provided by yours truly.

Question No. 10: What do NASCAR drivers wear under their firesuits? Answer: Hmmm, who could we ask to find out this answer? Michael Waltrip? On second thought, let’s just speculate.

Question No. 9: Why are there flyovers at NASCAR races? Answer: Well, obviously because there are no templates for the fighter jets. Since they can’t pass prerace inspection, and actually compete, the flyover is a consolation prize.

Question No. 8: How do you become a NASCAR driver? Answer: Learn to drive race cars and be good at it.

Question No. 7: How do you get a job on a pit crew? Answer: Look good in a firesuit, own a helmet, and live in North Carolina (ability to gas and change tires is preferable).

Question No. 6: Who is Tony Stewart dating? Answer: Let’s look at who Tony Stewart is not dating. He is not dating Jenny Craig or Stacy London from TLC’s “What Not To Wear.”

Question No. 5: What is burnout alley? Answer: Any infield at any night race with generators and grills working overtime.

Question No. 4: What does NASCAR stand for? Answer: If you don’t know that, then I’m glad you searched for it on the Web. That could be an embarrassing admission at any tailgate party.

Question No. 3: What is Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s girlfriend’s name? Answer: Junior has a girlfriend? Sorry, that’s another question, but it will have to do.

Question No. 2: How much do NASCAR drivers get paid? Answer: More than the majority of us fans, but less than Bill Gates or Oprah.
Drum roll, please.

The No. 1 NASCAR question posed this year on Ask.com: How do NASCAR drivers go to the bathroom? Answer: Just like you and me.