Carolyn Brewster: Confessions of a NASCAR fan
COMMENTARY
An Open Letter to My Fantasy League Team
My Dearest Fellow Fantasy League Members:
I am writing this letter to thank you for including me, once again, in our league. Although the league name has changed year to year, one thing which remains the same is my desire to lovingly crush your pathetically weak fantasy picks.
In the spirit of NASCAR, I “intentionally” exercised restraint this past season to allow other league members to garner self-esteem through success. Unfortunately, it was merely a one-season deal. Please consider this a written notice that I will be reclaiming my position as League Queen in 2009.
Holding no grudges, only knowledge and truth, I would like to advise you as to some techniques you may wish to consider employing this year when our teams go head to head:
First of all, do not bother to look at my picks. They might confuse you. Instead, consider choosing teams based on paint schemes. If a car looks pretty or you like the sponsor, ignore all stats and simply support that car through your picks.
As a proud backer of local humane societies, I also encourage you to allow your pets the opportunity to have a voice. When deciding who to bench, why not allow your dog’s wet nose to touch the name on the screen he chooses. For guinea pig owners picking a lineup, one squeak indicates a preference for David Stremme, two equals Michael Waltrip.
Also, fellow leaguers, do not get caught up in the dangerous world of “records.” When deciding on forming a team, past champions do not necessarily perform. Instead, consider drivers of underfunded and newly formed teams.
Also, do not forget that teams running a limited schedule are probably “fresher” and ready to go. Team Lowe’s or Carl Edward’s 99 might be too tired from signing autographs and endorsements to perform well.
Don’t be afraid to put all your eggs in an inconsistent team’s basket since you never know when things might begin to “click” for that team.
Although my dominance is imminent, I still encourage each of you to continue to strive to reach your own “personal” best this year in our Fantasy League. Take to heart my advice and you could potentially be at my heels in our point standing. I am looking forward to sharing another wonderful NASCAR season in our league. I wish you all the best in your substandard league performance!
Sincerely,
Carolyn (a.k.a. Southern Tundra)
