Carolyn Brewster: Confessions of a NASCAR fan
By Carolyn Brewster
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
COMMENTARY
An Open Letter to My Fantasy League Team
My Dearest Fellow Fantasy League Members:
I am writing this letter to thank you for including me, once again, in our league. Although the league name has changed year to year, one thing which remains the same is my desire to lovingly crush your pathetically weak fantasy picks.
In the spirit of NASCAR, I “intentionally” exercised restraint this past season to allow other league members to garner self-esteem through success. Unfortunately, it was merely a one-season deal. Please consider this a written notice that I will be reclaiming my position as League Queen in 2009.
Holding no grudges, only knowledge and truth, I would like to advise you as to some techniques you may wish to consider employing this year when our teams go head to head:
First of all, do not bother to look at my picks. They might confuse you. Instead, consider choosing teams based on paint schemes. If a car looks pretty or you like the sponsor, ignore all stats and simply support that car through your picks.
As a proud backer of local humane societies, I also encourage you to allow your pets the opportunity to have a voice. When deciding who to bench, why not allow your dog’s wet nose to touch the name on the screen he chooses. For guinea pig owners picking a lineup, one squeak indicates a preference for David Stremme, two equals Michael Waltrip.
Also, fellow leaguers, do not get caught up in the dangerous world of “records.” When deciding on forming a team, past champions do not necessarily perform. Instead, consider drivers of underfunded and newly formed teams.
Also, do not forget that teams running a limited schedule are probably “fresher” and ready to go. Team Lowe’s or Carl Edward’s 99 might be too tired from signing autographs and endorsements to perform well.
Don’t be afraid to put all your eggs in an inconsistent team’s basket since you never know when things might begin to “click” for that team.
Although my dominance is imminent, I still encourage each of you to continue to strive to reach your own “personal” best this year in our Fantasy League. Take to heart my advice and you could potentially be at my heels in our point standing. I am looking forward to sharing another wonderful NASCAR season in our league. I wish you all the best in your substandard league performance!
Sincerely,
Carolyn (a.k.a. Southern Tundra)
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11 responses to "Carolyn Brewster: Confessions of a NASCAR fan". Post a Comment.
Karen Petersen said:
Feb 18, 2009 at 9:05 AMWow
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» Confirm Abuse ReportTrish said:
Feb 18, 2009 at 9:40 AMYou go girl!
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» Confirm Abuse ReportBill B. said:
Feb 18, 2009 at 1:32 PMBetter hope you don't crash and burn every race this year LOL
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» Confirm Abuse ReportLouise Diamond said:
Feb 18, 2009 at 3:51 PMI love sarcasm!! Or is that...heavy irony? Well, whatever it is...well done, Carolyn.
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» Confirm Abuse ReportDan Seibert said:
Feb 18, 2009 at 4:38 PMGREAT ADVISE CAROLYN
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» Confirm Abuse ReportRacing Maniac said:
Feb 18, 2009 at 5:42 PMCarolyn, why not just tell us how you really think.....
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» Confirm Abuse ReportBernadette Motherway said:
Feb 18, 2009 at 6:03 PMI think she just gave the fantasy league members a dare!!
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» Confirm Abuse ReportCurt Montague said:
Feb 20, 2009 at 12:57 AMLooks like Southern Tundra, formerly Ice Queen has her claws out early this year. We at Kakorrhaphiophobia Racing accept your challenge as we have in years past. Go ahead and place your bets on Whiner Kyle and that Almandinger fellow and we'll continue to blow you away with our power team of Edwards, Junior, Bobbie, and Smoke. Our strategy for this year is to keep tabs on who sell the most t-shirts at any event and field that team. A new strategy for this season is to stay sober (mostly) during our hiring interviews with the eligible drivers. This new concept will undoubtedly keep us ahead of all you losers in coming weeks. I think your loyal fans would like to keep track of your sub-terrestrial performance by posting team standings in your weekly article. I can stand the ridicule if you can. We at Kakorrhaphiophobia Racing believe that our current position, with you in the rear view mirror, is where we will enjoy seeing you for the rest of the season. We, the poor waifs of the land of Kansas, will no longer bow to the wishes of the Queen. The competition is afoot.
Report as AbuseAs Always;
A fan
Curt!
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» Confirm Abuse ReportJ Anderson said:
Feb 20, 2009 at 4:01 AMI have to agree with Kurt - I can stand the ridicule if you can. Looks like the Southern Queen doesn't have any of that southern charm for her league members. No worries, leaving Alaska has taken your edge - its warm where you are now. Content to sip ice tea and watch the race at a normal hour. Yes, I'll sip my mocha coffee from sunrise bagels and smile as I look at you, Curt and the rest of the Speed Merchants in my rearview mirror. Bring it (and do you have any chocolate chip cookies?)
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» Confirm Abuse ReportJ Anderson said:
Feb 20, 2009 at 4:02 AMI have to agree with Curt - I can stand the ridicule if you can. Looks like the Southern Queen doesn't have any of that southern charm for her league members. No worries, leaving Alaska has taken your edge - its warm where you are now. Content to sip ice tea and watch the race at a normal hour. Yes, I'll sip my mocha coffee from sunrise bagels and smile as I look at you, Curt and the rest of the Speed Merchants in my rearview mirror. Bring it (and do you have any chocolate chip cookies?)
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» Confirm Abuse ReportKyle Beggan said:
Feb 24, 2009 at 1:36 PMCAROLYN!! Love your articles. So cool you're still writing. Email me and catch up when you have time.
Report as AbuseKyle B.
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