NASCAR’s regular-season champ should be recognized, but how?
Kris Johnson
Kris Johnson joined Street & Smith's Sports Group in 2003. He is Assistant Managing Editor at NASCAR Illustrated and SceneDaily.com.
If such a thing existed, Tony Stewart won this year’s regular-season championship.
What he didn’t win was additional points, a few extra bucks, a plaque or home-field advantage in the playoffs.
OK, so that last bonus doesn’t apply to NASCAR.
The point is Stewart should get something.
NASCAR is reportedly considering some sort of recognition for the top driver in the Sprint Cup Series’ regular season.
What do you get a guy who seemingly has it all? Humbly offered are the following suggestions:
A robe similar to those worn by heavyweight boxing champions back in the day when pugilistic pursuits were still relevant. This one should have the requisite nickname - Italian Stallion is off limits - and make it diamond-encrusted because ostentation in a down economy lets prospective sponsors know you’re bullish on our national recovery. If Jerry Jones can build a $1.2-billion palace in Dallas for his highly overrated National Football League team, NASCAR can surely come off the hip for a little bling.
If the diamond robe is asking too much, the sanctioning body could always just customize a Snuggie for the regular-season champ. If NASCAR decides to retroactively award one to Stewart, perhaps it could have two sewn together. Smoke fills out his driver’s suit better than a government office worker fills out forms.
Rings are always a nice way to commemorate an accomplishment. Graduation from high school or college, bowling a 300 game or winning NASCAR’s regular season all appear to be ring-worthy occasions.
Money clips are cool, too. Nothing speaks to a NASCAR driver’s success more than his bulging billfold, but they can become unwieldy in that George Costanza way. (Remember when the thickness of George’s wallet contributed to his back trouble on “Seinfeld”? Of course, you do.)
Enter the money clip. Whether you’re at the casino, on the golf course or in the weekly drivers meeting, it would be a constant reminder to your peers that you did it, baby, you won NASCAR’s regular-season title.
